Weird Truth About infidelty

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People don't always cheat on their spouses or partners because there are problems in their relationships or with their partners. Sometimes people stray (cheat) as a form of "self-seeking," searching for lost parts of themselves.


No one wants to be cheated on, we take it for granted that if people cheat on their partners, it's because there were problems with said partners, or with the relationships in general.

And yet if you search deeply, you will realize that this assumption is part of what I call a deficiency model of infidelity. We mistakenly see infidelity "as a symptom of a relationship gone awry. This is true in some cases, but not true in many other cases.

There are many motives for why people stray that have to do with the discontents of a relationship: loneliness, neglect, rejection, complacency, sexlessness. But then there is also the motivation that often has nothing to do with the partner, and that has to do with a form of self-seeking.

Many times, people who stray are hoping to reconnect with lost parts of themselves, with the lives un-lived, with the sense that life is short and there are certain experiences that they are longing for. They are looking not just for another person but in a way they're looking for another self.

Instead of thinking that the person who cheats is unhappy with their partners or with their relationships, it is sometimes important to think that they may be unhappy with themselves. Or, at least uncomfortable, restless, longing for something else, longing to reconnect with lost parts of themselves, longing to transcend a sense of deadness that they are feeling inside, longing to experience a sense of autonomy over their lives.

They're finally doing something they want. Paradoxically, they will always lie to their partners when they find themselves in this strange situation but in reality they are not lying to themselves. That may be their only source of happiness and longevity.

MrClouds